Notes From a Neuro Nerd: The Science Behind Living Your Best Life

53. Finding Your Path Abroad: Insights from Alyssa on Living and Working Overseas

• Austin and Monica Mangelson • Episode 53

Share episode

In this episode, we interview Alyssa Osiecki as she shares her story of wanderlust, starting from a young age when she would wander off in search of adventure. 

She talks about her career as a teacher and the pivotal moment when she decided to leave everything behind and move abroad. Alyssa discusses the challenges she faced in making this decision and the joy she found in embracing a location-independent lifestyle.

If you're ready to break free from the ordinary and step into a world of boundless opportunities, join us for this incredible interview!

You'll learn how to:

  • Prioritize Mental Health
  • Embrace Risk and Follow Your Passions
  • Embrace a Location-Independent Lifestyle

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Book your FREE discovery call with me!

-----------------------------------

Schedule a free Coffee Chat with Monica!

Get access to my Trust Your Gut Decision Making Guide.

Visit me at my home on the web for more resources.

Hello and welcome to the Profitable Nomad Couple podcast. This is a show where we share all of our secrets about building a sustainable location-independent lifestyle. We're Austin and Monica. We're a digital nomad couple here to help you develop an entrepreneurial mindset, ignite your passions, and develop a purpose-driven online business. Get ready for weekly insights and inspiring stories to empower you to live life on your own terms. So are you ready to unlock the nomad mindset and embrace a life of limitless possibilities? Let's dive in. Welcome everybody to the podcast. Welcome back and welcome to any newcomers. We have a super fun treat for everyone. We're here talking with Alyssa Oshetsky. You got it. And we are Instagram friends. This is actually the first time that we're meeting in person, but face to face. And we are super excited to have her on. She has a whole bunch of awesome stuff to share with us. So welcome Alyssa. Thanks. It's great to be here. Yeah. We're so excited to have you here. Even just in the pre-call, like the pre-recording chat, you've already dropped so much good wisdom that I know is going to be so insightful and good for our audience. So I'm super excited to dive in and learn more about you and your story and traveling. But first, why don't you give just a little bit of background about like where you're from? Okay, sure. So my name is Alyssa Oshetsky. I am originally from Boston, Massachusetts, but I've always had wanderlust. Even when I was a little two-year-old girl, my mother will tell this story about how one day I just decided it was time for me to travel. So I packed a little basket and I snuck out of my bedroom in my childhood home and just left the house with the dog and started wandering around. And the neighbor called and was like, do you know Alyssa? It's just walking down the street because it was after my bedtime. And when my mom went and retrieved me, she was like, well, why did you leave the house? And I was like, well, I wanted to go on an adventure. So even when I was a very small child, I've always had the wanderlust and I had traveled a little bit. I did a semester abroad in the Netherlands. When I was in college, I studied theater. I became a drama teacher. I did that for years. It was a great career. In 2014, I had a big life upheaval, some big life changes, and I had always wanted to live and work abroad, but I only knew one person who had done it. And this person was another woman who worked with me in a public school system. But before that, she had been living in China and she'd been living and teaching in international schools in Beijing and Shanghai. And she used to tell me these incredible stories about what it was like living in Asia as a teacher. And I used to think to myself, oh my gosh, that's so cool. I wish I could do this, but my life is here. I had a good job. I had a relationship. I had the whole enchilada, the whole nine yards. And I had just sort of accepted, I think this thing that a lot of people accept that traveling and having new experiences is for when you're young, it's for when you're just out of high school or just out of college. And then the idea is you come home, you settle down, and all adults just sort of deal with feeling vaguely unhappy and unfulfilled with their lives. So I was like, this is it. It's time for me to settle down and be vaguely unhappy with my life. I had some great, good stuff going on. I was doing a lot of community theater and had great friendships and stuff like that. So I wasn't completely miserable, but I wasn't completely happy either. And I think we talked a little bit in the pre-show, Monica, about the story of me going away to do a yoga teacher training in the Berkshires. And when you do these trainings, they talk a lot about meditation and slowing down and listening to your heart, mind. And every time I did that, my heart, mind, my connection to wisdom would say to me, quit your job, end your relationship and move away. And I would start to cry because I did not want to do that. I absolutely did not want to do that. I lived in the Boston area my entire life and everybody I loved was there. Everything I knew was there. My whole identity was wrapped up in living in Boston, being an educator, being involved in the theater community. My whole, all my friends and family were here and I did not want to do that. And to make a long story short, I went home from the yoga teacher training and, you know, my relationship fell apart like within a couple of months and the situation at my job, I was really unhappy with. And at a certain point I realized I was like, it's now or never now is the time. So I signed up for a recruiting agency that matched teachers who want to move abroad with schools all over the planet. And I got two job offers. One actually was in Shanghai and the other was in Switzerland. And I thought the school in Switzerland was a better fit. And so I said, yes. And it just, as I said earlier, when we were speaking, I had never been to the school that I accepted a contract at. I'd never been to the village. I had, you know, gone to, gone to Interlaken backpacking as a student backpacker, but I never imagined like I would ever live in Switzerland. And I just took that leap of faith and it turned out to be the best decision I've ever made in my life. And now I can't imagine living any other way. So that's, that's the long, that's sort of a long introduction of who I am and what I do. You know, now I've switched gears. I since moved to Scotland, I'm pursuing a PhD in creative writing. I'm also a writer and I have a passion for connecting people with their higher purpose as it relates to travel, as it relates to life abroad and really showing people that this is easier than you think that the tools and the resources to start a life of travel or a life abroad are totally within reach, totally impossible. My little tagline is I moved abroad solo and so can you, because I think a lot of people think like, oh, but I don't have a partner or, oh, but I don't know anybody in the place that I want to move to. And yeah, that does make it tougher, but it's actually more possible than you think it is for a lot of different reasons that we can go into if you want. It's more possible than you think. And you know, here are some ways you can do it. Here are some resources that you can use to help make that happen. And I sort of ended up growing a website and a little bit of an Instagram presence kind of based on all those things. Like this is what I'm doing. This is my path. And if you're interested, there's paths for you as well. So that's kind of how this all got started. That's fantastic. Holy cow. I feel like you, thank you first of all for sharing all of that, for diving into your background, your story. I feel like you have a life that just sounds so interesting. I think we could talk about it forever. And I wish we had the time to talk about all of it, because there's so many facets I'm like, Oh, that sounds interesting. I want to ask her about that. And, Oh, I want to dive into that. It sounds like going back all the way to the start, it sounds like you have pretty incredible parents because at the age of three, when you snuck out that, I mean, if I had a three year old who snuck out, I probably would be pretty upset at them and very scared. And I'm glad that that didn't like deter you from any more adventurous adventure seeking in your life. I'll tell them you said that. I actually, I had the dog with me at the time, so I think they felt better knowing that, okay, well she took. You had a protector. So I think a lot of people listening are going to resonate with that feeling that you talked about when you say, like you have this projected life path that you're supposed to follow quote unquote, right? But I feel like a lot of, I do think it's starting to become a little bit normal that it's not, you know, the only path you can take, or people are starting to recognize that there's more options, but you know, you go to high school, go to college, you graduate, get a degree, then you get a good job, then you start a family, and then once you retire, then you can start traveling for however long you have, right? And I think a lot of people listening resonate with that feeling of like, I don't want that for my life. I want to do something else. I want to do something more adventurous. I want to be living somewhere else, or maybe they've started that life path and now they're in a job that they want to change. And you brought it up. A big thing that a lot of people feel that holds them back is fear. Like you mentioned being a Boston girl was part of your identity, right? Like a lot of people have fear of separating themselves from who they think they are to go chase what they want. So first of all, how did you feel that fear? Like what was that like for you? And then how did you overcome that? This fear was enormously paralyzing and it kept me on a path that was wrong for me for years and years and years. I think there were a few things. Number one, I think you get to a point where it's now or never, and you get to a point where the idea of continuing along the path that is not your path is actually a lot scarier than taking a risk. People tell me all the time, oh, I wish I could do what you did. You're so brave. But I actually think it took a lot more bravery to continue on a life that wasn't meant for me than it did to just take a risk doing something that was my heart's desire. So that's it was sort of a reframing of that thinking like, yes, the unknown is very scary, but also the known can be a little bit scary as well, especially if your known path is not something that you want to be doing. So it was reframing that thinking, reframing that attitude and saying, actually, you know what? I think it's a lot less scary to take this risk because if I take this risk and I don't succeed, well, then at least I know I tried and I don't have to live the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had tried. You know, my other mantra is home will always be there. So if you take a risk, if you move someplace different, if you try a new job if you do something different and you decide, you know, six months, a year into it, like, this really isn't for me, you can come home. Like the deal that I made for myself when I moved to Switzerland was, OK, I'll try this for a year. I think I can do a school. I can do a school year anywhere because I was a teacher at that school year anywhere. And if I really don't like it, you know, I got a furnished flat because I was like, OK, if I don't like it, I want to just be able to like turn in my key and be like, bye. And I was like, if I really hate it, I'll break my contract, even though that's a bad thing to do. I was like, I absolutely hate it. I'll break my contract. But I think I can do anything for a year. And I was there for about three months when I realized I was like, oh, I want to stay here longer than a year. And I bought myself a really nice bicycle, like a beautiful bicycle. And that was the moment I realized I was invested in staying there a little bit longer because I was starting to like, like settle in and I find things that went along with my lifestyle there. Like I didn't have a car there. So, you know, the nice bicycle that I rode to the train station every morning became like it was a symbolic of me like, OK, I am embracing this this new chapter of my life. I bought a bike. I'm here. And I still have that bike. I brought it all the way home to Boston with me. And it's sitting in my parents' garage right now. I love that thing. That's awesome. I do think a lot of times we don't recognize that when we're looking towards the future of, you know, the alternative to being adventurous and to, you know, breaking free, that that's also a scary future. You know, never living a life where you you're creating what you want for yourself and you're going and taking risks like that's also a scary alternative. So to weigh those is very it's really insightful. Thank you. I also love the term you use where I actually like wrote it down, where you said vaguely unhappy is kind of like the expectation that adults are just always kind of vaguely unhappy with their lives. But, you know, that's, you know, welcome to adulthood. You made it, you know. Exactly. Like, you're not supposed to like your job. You know, day to day life is supposed to be a grind. It's like, well, you know, not always is it have to be. Yeah. Yeah. So walk me through that thought process when you kind of started to realize that you were vaguely unhappy and what like even motivated you to go to this yoga retreat in the first place and kind of how you broke free from that social norm. OK, sure. Well, I mean, this probably started subtly like years before I ever took action on it. I was working a job as a public school teacher, which was really rewarding. But some of this like systems that were surrounding us, kind of like making it harder for us to do our jobs, was starting to feel a little bit toxic and it was weighing on me. But I felt very much like, but this is the life that I've bought into. You know, it was a great job with terrific benefits in, you know, a really good school system in the Boston area. Those jobs are not easy to find. And I was like, well, you know, I've just got to try to like make the best and keep going because I've got all this other stuff surrounding me. That's really great. So I was really, you know, working hard on that. And during this time, I started volunteering at a yoga studio that was right around the corner from where I used to live. And the yoga studio became my refuge from this constant grind. It became the refuge from some of this like toxic stress that you can sometimes experience as an educator when you've got like people above who have like they're not in the classroom and they're making decisions that make your life and the kids' lives more difficult every single day. And you can't do anything about it. You're powerless. The only thing you can control is that, you know, what's going on inside your classroom. And, you know, so I started spending more and more time at this yoga studio. And I found that the more time I spent there, the more my perspective started to shift about mindset and about sort of like, you know, my approach to life and life's problems. And it was, you know, really becoming my solace and my refuge. And I thought to myself, I want to take this further. So I signed up to do a yoga teacher training at a place called Kripala School of Health and Yoga, which is it's really famous. It's out in the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts. And I was going to take a month of my summer vacation and just do that for myself. You know, I wasn't even sure if I actually even wanted to teach yoga. And spoiler, I did end up teaching yoga later when I moved to Scotland. And it was really great. And I wasn't even sure I wanted to do it. I just knew that this was a path I wanted to follow. I wanted to, like, deepen my understanding of, like, asana and meditation. And, you know, because I could see the benefits it was having in my life and my mindset. And when I left, I didn't even tell a lot of people that it was a yoga teacher training because I was afraid to fail. I was like, I'm going on a retreat. And then I did what I told people because I was like, if I flunk the teacher's test, I don't want anybody to know that I'm a failed yoga teacher. And I did not flunk the teacher's test, just spoiler alert. But once I got there, you know, I was like, oh, I'm going to have this nice experience. I'm going to learn about yoga and I'm going to be certified to teach yoga. And it's going to be so great. Yay. Yay. Yay. And it's going to fit into this neat box. And then I'm going to go back to this other life. And it's going to enrich this life that I already have. And when I got there, some of these very wise teachers who've been practicing for decades warned us that like this training changes you, it changes you on a fundamental level and we're going to be unpacking, you know, a lot of stuff and a lot of preconceived notions, and you're going to have some shifts. You're going to have times when you're going to have times when you like, you know, you might cry, you might feel emotionally unsettled and this is all part of the process and they warned us and they said, do not make any major life decisions while you are here because everything feels different here. So if you're feeling the need to like quit your job or end your relationship, they were like, don't do that right now. Maybe like, you know, let some of this information settle and then go home and start making incremental changes. And I was like, ha ha ha, that, that won't be me. You know, I'm just here for a nice little yoga teacher training and it fundamentally rewired my brain. And when I went home, I was not the same person, but not in a bad way. I was, I had suddenly, it's like, when you see things that you can't unsee, it changes your perspective about everything else in your life. And I was like, well, now I need to take action. So that was it really. And, um, I feel like ever since then I've applied that logic to every situation that I'm in instead of letting things fester and letting myself become sort of like happy to be miserable. I take a look at it and if it's not working, it's like, what can I shift? What can I change? And then if this is a situation that I now need to move on from, now I need to take steps to make that happen. Yeah, I love that. Thanks. One sec. I'm going to open this can of seltzer. I change drinks seltzer when I'm home, but I just didn't want that to happen when I, when you were talking. So here we go. Oh, you're good. Awesome. That retreat sounds really interesting. And I was like, do I want to be after hearing you talk about it? Like, maybe we should go on a yoga career. If you want to move around the world because like there's yoga everywhere. So you can do it anywhere. That's true. Yeah. There you go. Uh, anyone who's listening, who's looking for an idea of how to make money online or not online, but make money to let you travel. You could do it online. There's lots of online yoga teaching these days. You could. There's an idea for you. Yoga teach around the world. So I want to ask you about your experience going to Switzerland to teach in the school site unseen. You didn't know as far as I know, you didn't really know anything about the school. You had never seen it. You didn't know anything about them. Maybe a little bit. I spoke to some people online from the school before I moved there. So I had like a pretty good idea that it was a real school. The people who work there seem, seem pretty nice. Okay. And that was about it. They all had nice things to say and anything they had to say that was critical was like, you know, garden variety stuff that all educators complain about. So I felt felt felt like those were green flags, but no, I really didn't know anything about it at all. It could have been a disaster. Go ahead. Yeah. So I'm glad it worked out well for you. You at least knew that it was not a scam. You said when we were talking before we started recording, you mentioned that you had some tips or advice for people who are maybe in a similar situation, don't know what they're going into. What would you like from your experience in that situation, how would you help someone who's maybe going through something similar in regards to like being an educator and applying for a job or something, maybe more global? Yes. Okay, cool. Well, I'll start with my experience and then maybe I'll talk a little bit about how I think that applies to other people. So I mentioned before that I had had this colleague years prior who is now still, she's still one of my best friends and she's also ended up in the UK, which I find really, really interesting. Like after being in China, Cambodia, Boston, London, like it's so it's interesting how life works, works. Even when you're far away from home, you're still home sometimes. And I think that's a really special part of life abroad. So anyway, she had told me that if I wanted to get a reputable job, international school, I should sign up for this recruiting agency called search associates, and they're one of the largest and most reputable teachings. Recruitment agencies in the world. I'm not sponsored by them. I'm just a little plug for them right there. Cause I think they're a good resource. Shout out to search associates. And what they do is they, they vet both the teachers and the schools. So I had to apply and, you know, share my teaching certifications, my CV, my, I had to get references from my school. And I think also from a few parents as well to make sure that I was legit. And then on the other side, they do that to all of the schools. So they're making sure that the schools are legitimate, that the schools are real schools. And at the time, this was way, way, way pre pandemic. I think this was like 2014. They were doing in-person recruiting events all over the world. And there just happened to be one happening in Boston around the same time. I decided like, this was the year I'm going to make this happen. So I had to take a real risk and tell my boss that I was interested in applying for jobs overseas. And because they were a good boss, they were, they were really supportive of it. And they were like, you know, I'd never want to stand in the way of somebody else, like, you know, making the next step in their career. So I had to ask for permission to, you know, like take a day off from work and go, actually, I think it was two days off of work and go to this convention to look for another job, which that was a real, that was a real risk for me, just saying I'm looking for another job. And then you go to these conventions and you're in a ballroom. It's like speed dating for jobs. You're in a ballroom and all of the schools, how are set up with tables all over the ballroom. And you can see on a big chart, you can see it online too, but it's also in person, you can see on a big chart, what positions they're hiring for. So if you're like looking around and think, I want to teach high school English, you can, and you can see it online as well. You look around the room and you're like, okay, who's teaching high school English? And you go up to the table, you introduce yourself, you hand them your resume and they scan your resume right away. And either they say to you, this looks like a good fit. Let's set up an interview later today, or you know what? We're really looking for something different, you know, maybe try someone else. And so I really liked the immediate like, yes or no of that. There was no hanging around. And then they interview at the fair and you have the ability to say yes to the job, but you have to be very careful about what you say yes to, because the verbal yes is actually binding in this situation. So they warn you ahead of time, you know, not to say yes verbally until you're really sure. And they also say to you that if recruiters are pressuring you to say yes, then that's a big no-no as well. So you should report them to the agency. So in that way, the agency protects you as well, which I really like. And so, you know, I was interviewed for a bunch of jobs and how do I put it? Okay. And because this I think applies to people in all professions. They really want you to say yes, they want to tick that box and hire you and move on to hire the next person. But I said to every single person I was interviewed by, I'd like to speak to somebody from this school, tell me a little bit more about the school and, you know, the department and, you know, just what the atmosphere is like. I'd like to speak to another teacher from this school. And I'd like a copy of the conference and my appointment will be. And what I found was if somebody was legitimate and really interested in me right away, they'd say, yeah, go right ahead. You can talk to somebody who works at this school. Yes. Go here's, here's a copy of the contract. Here's a copy of the pay scale. Here's a copy of the staff policy. So you can see what you're getting yourself into. So those were major green flags. Red flags were anybody who sort of dragged their feet on allowing me access any information like that. Because that either number one, that showed me that maybe the environment in that school wasn't so great and they were maybe having difficulty hiring. Or number two, that showed me that they actually kind of didn't care who they put in that position. They just wanted somebody in that position. And for me, I was like, well, if I'm going to pick up my life and move to another country, I want to know that that school wants me in particular. So that's kind of how I made that match. But for anybody who is looking for a new job somewhere else, I would say, this is a corny metaphor, but I think it rings true. You're interviewing them as well. So if they are not in this process before they hire you, if this job is not sort of meeting you halfway with some of this information you need to know to make a life decision, then move on. And it can be really difficult to move on, especially if you're seeing like, oh, yes, I desperately want to live in X city. I want to live in Singapore. I want to live in London. I want to live in Dubai or wherever it is. And I'm just going to make that leap. No matter what, even if the job isn't a good fit, I think we have to kind of resist that and hold out for like, what we know for ourselves is the thing that is going to work for us because it's too easy. Then you're just jumping into another situation where you're happy to be unhappy and you're filling a slot in somebody else's Excel spreadsheet. And you want more out of that from your life. So really interview other people is a big piece of advice I would give anybody who's thinking about doing something like this. I think that's so good because we've kind of learned that as we've been in a service based business, like when we sign on clients, like sometimes you go into situations like that with some desperation. You're like, I really want to be hired or I really want to sign on this client. And that energy is felt when you come across as desperate, like that's a totally different energy and that's going to be a totally different outcome than like you said, if you're being interviewed by them, but also they're being interviewed by you and it's a two way street. So that's awesome. Exactly. Also, Monica and I, our lives changed drastically when we went to a career fair twice actually changed. So it sounds like career fairs, conventions. It sounds kind of similar to what you were just describing. That sounds like the place to be if you're looking for a big life change. Absolutely. And the cool thing is now you can do so many more of these things online. So it's like, you know, you don't even need to spend like 300 bucks a night for some overpriced hotel room somewhere you can get on zoom and your whole life could change. So it's, it's really special. It's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. I love the accessibility to change and to travel now. Like I feel like that has majorly improved, especially since COVID and people can work online more and there's more, there's so much, just more awareness around the possibilities now. Yeah, me too. I think it's a really exciting shift in the work environment, just how accessible everything is. And we're really changing our mindset between like what it means, you know, the of our parents generation where it was like, you go to an office and you work there nine to five, 40 hours a week. We're really shifting perspective on what it means to have a job, what it means to have a career and work life balance. So I think it's a really exciting time, but we do need more resources like this because it's also unprecedented time. And, you know, we need to be opening conversations about what it means to build the life and career you like, because no, there's no roadmap. Like this, this is it. We're making the roadmap now. Exactly. We're making history right now. It's so exciting. Okay. So you go to this job convention, you find you get, you got hired from that convention, correct? Okay. So you got a job now and then now talk me through what it was like to have to go back to your community that you built, your family, your friends, your coworkers, and tell them that you are moving abroad, that you're making this huge life change. Obviously, I'm not sure where you were at with your relationship, but you also had another big, big change there with your relationship ending and different things like that. So tell me about what that experience is like for you. Okay. So this was, it was really, really emotional, especially since I, I think I got hired in late January, early February, and I didn't move till July. So I had about six months of, of goodbyes. And by the time I was interviewing for jobs, the relationship had already ended. And so that was sort of like, there was like a neat, like a neat cut right there that sort of enabled me to just move on with the rest of my life. So that, that was good, but it was honestly, it was really emotional. I think my parents were happy for me because, you know, they just, they just want to see their kid happy. And, you know, they did not love the idea of me moving to a foreign country, but they could see that I was really happy about it. So they, they got on board because they could see, you know, they had a lot of questions and a lot of concerns, but I'm such a Virgo and, you know, I'm a very creative person, you know, I'm a writer, I'm a theater artist, but when it comes to the way I sort of approach like my personal life on my career, I'm very analytical and I had like, you know, sort of an answer for every question that anybody had about anything. And they were like, okay, all right. With friends, it was so, so hard. I had a group of friends that all went to college in the Boston area and kind of stayed and, you know, we've been friends for now it's almost 20 years, but, you know, then it was like, you know, about a, about a decade of friendship and, you know, they were like my family and that was really hard and really emotional. But again, I think people could see that like I was happy and they wanted to see me happy, so, you know, that was tough. It was tough to say goodbye to, you know, colleagues, students work, but because I had six months to get used to the idea of leaving, it sort of happened in increments, so that was really nice. And then it was a huge deal to leave my apartment, sell all of my stuff. Like I can't even tell you how many like Facebook garage sales I had to try to like, you know, tear down my possessions. Cause I was, you know, leaving and didn't know when I would be back and it didn't make sense to like rent a storage unit or anything like that. So everything either had to go in my parents' basement or it had to get sold. Like that was it. So, but that was all part of the process of saying, you know, goodbye and kind of letting go of the past me and who I'd been in the past. And when it came down to it, I left my apartment and I had, you know, was completely empty. I had a few suitcases, a couple of people, pieces of furniture that I was keeping and that was it. And it was so freeing. I just remember standing there my last night there is looking at it like the bare hardwood floors and being like, it's time. Like, and it was just a really good feeling, but it was, there was a lot of intense, it was very bittersweet. Like I'd be, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't difficult. It was. Yeah, definitely. We have been really lucky and it sounds like you have been really lucky to have a lot of support from family and friends. But at the same time, I feel like there's always kind of been this underlying, like, why are you leaving me kind of mentality? And that can be really hard to deal with, but it sounds like you went about it in a really smart way where you already had the answers you had, you know, six months time to like kind of talk people through it and help them also get used to the idea and support them. Do you still have like, now that you're back home, are you visiting any of those friends that you still have? Absolutely. Yeah. I'm getting together with a whole bunch of these friends actually on Saturday. And it's going to be the first time some of us have been part of me in the same room, you know, in it'll be the first time that some of us have been together for years and, you know, a couple of friends who had kids like during COVID and I get to meet their kids for the first time. So it's exciting. And I think one of the things that we forget when we move someplace far away is that now when you come home, you have to, you now you have opportunities to really make these moments count. So when I was living at home, I was very busy. My friends were very busy. And maybe we had time for like a rushed coffee once every few months. And now I might only see a friend once a year, or even sometimes every other year. But you know, we will spend a few hours, undivided attention, no phones out, sitting, talking, reconnecting. Earlier this year, I ended up home for the birthday of one of my best friends. And we spent the entire day together, you know, like, you know, she didn't bring her kids, she didn't bring her husband. And we just spent the whole day reconnecting with each other. And that was so beautiful. And it probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't moved away. So I think instead of dwelling on the fact that, you know, somebody's not next door and you can't just pop in to have a coffee, you have to sort of reframe your thinking and really make the moments that you're with them count. Yeah, that's beautiful. We've noticed too, same kind of thing, like your friendship, your relationships. All of them become a lot more intentional when you're, because you come back and it's kind of a novelty that you're back. And so you get to spend more focused, dedicated time and really dive deep into those friendships. I like that. Yeah. And I mean, we did lose friendships, but they were more like the surface level friendships. And now the ones that we have are ones that we value and we like really take the time to nurture. And it's been amazing to watch the depth of our relationships flourish. Exactly. I have a very similar experience. The friendships that I've held onto have gotten deeper. The ones that I think were a little bit iffy in the first place have sort of floated away. And then I've also noticed this other thing where there are some people who I, I didn't realize I was all that close to, but they're the ones who keep checking in on you. And you're like, Oh, I never knew I mattered to that person. And that can be really interesting too. It's like, I didn't even think we were that tight, but you, you know, you check in with me, you want to get coffee with me every time I'm home. Like that's so neat. Yeah. So that's awesome. Reveal some interesting things. For sure. Yeah. Alyssa, I have two more questions for you before we wrap up. I feel like we could chat with you forever. You have a lot of fun stories, a lot of great insights. But before we close up, I have two last questions. The first one is kind of related in the same vein that we've been talking to. What influence have you noticed that you've had on your friends and family as you have kind of faced your fears and jumped into this life that you've always wanted and kind of been fearless in creating it and moving abroad? Like what influence have you seen that you've had in the people in your life? This is a really interesting question because I've been overseas for about nine years now and several times during the course of this sort of journey that I've been on, I've had people come to me and say things like, you've inspired me to do X thing. And it's not even necessarily exactly what I did. I don't have any friends who have now decided to move to a foreign country, but I'll hear people say you inspired me to go back to school or you inspired me. I had a friend say you inspired me to quit my master's degree. And I was like, OK, or you inspired me to change jobs or something like that. And because you did it, I could see that I could do it as well. And you never really know the impact that you have on other people, which is part of the reason why I started a blog and a website to sort of amplify that and record some of my journey, share some of my wisdom so that other people have that resource there so they understand it's not as hard and scary as you think and that this applies to all areas of life. It's not just like if you want to move abroad, if you want to travel, if you want to take your job remote for three months, six months a year, you don't have to move away for a decade. That's great. You can do that too. Or maybe it's a subtle change in your life. Maybe it means deciding that you're going to take a weekend and go away by yourself or it means that you're going to take a class or do something just for you. So I've seen my decisions have impacted other people in a positive way, but in not in a way that they're deciding to do what I did. They're doing something different. They're doing whatever the equivalent is for themselves, which I think is really cool. I think we need to nurture each other and like living our best lives and whatever version of that is for other people. Yeah, I love that. That's so fun. It's funny that people have come to you with those things like totally unrelated to what you did, but that you inspired them to do it. I love that. That's fun. I'm like, yeah, OK, cool. Yeah, sometimes I think people just need permission to break free from that social norm that we were talking about. Right. And the best permission we can give other people that we love is by doing it ourselves and showing them that we are wildly successful and happy and thriving in our created version of success. Totally. Yeah. OK. Final question is basically I just want to leave it up to you. Any last or final words of advice or if you were to talk to somebody about this, like any final things that you would like to share, I just want to leave it open to you to to share anything. If you have any if you don't have anything, that's fine. But if there's something you'd like to share, go for it. I think I could boil it down to a couple of things. Number one, feel the fear and do it anyway. Everybody who makes a big change in their life is scared. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. If you need to seek advice and make sure you make that transition mindfully, yeah, do that. That's really important. But you're going to feel fear. Feel the fear and do it every anyway. Everybody feels fear. So that's number one. And number two, I would say this relates more to moving abroad or moving to a new city. But it can relate to a lot of other things as well. Like I said before, if you very few changes in life are permanent. So if you don't like the change that you've made, you can always go back to what you were doing before. That's more of a help or comfort because I think 99 percent of the time you make the change and you're like, yeah, I really like this. I'm happy I did this. But it's something to keep in the back of your head. It's like a little get out of jail free card that feel the fear and do it anyway. Take the risk knowing in your heart that like you love yourself enough that if this wasn't the right risk for you, you're going to know and that you're strong enough to make the change and do something different. We are all so much stronger and braver and more resourceful than we think that we are. So no matter what kind of mess you get yourself into, 99 percent of the time you're smart enough to get yourself out of it. So just trust yourself and do it. I love that. Alyssa, I really feel like we just scratched the surface with you. I feel like there's so much I would love to just like sit and go to coffee and chat with you for several hours about all of these things. Maybe we need to head out to Boston sometime or the UK. Meet you over there. For sure. Yeah, I'll be here for another month. So come on down. Perfect. Before we go, I would love for you to just maybe summarize really quickly what you, where you are now, what you're doing and how people can connect with you. Oh, great. That's a great question. So where am I now is I'm a writer. I'm living in Edinburgh, Scotland. I'm very close to finishing a PhD. Oh, this is how do I like sell myself in a nutshell? This is so hard. So if you want to connect with me, I am Alyssa O'Rythe on Instagram. My website is www.alyssasorights.com. I write about expat life, solo travel and life abroad and finding yourself and reinventing yourself as a woman over 30. Those are my top, those are my topics of, of delights, but I'm also a fiction writer and written some audio dramas, some play scripts, and so I'm all over the place doing a lot of things, but my general themes are finding yourself humor, mental health in this crazy world and building, building a life that you love taking risks and giving other people the support to do that as well. So probably social media might be the first place to find me if you want to come on this crazy train ride with me. I love it. We'll make sure we get all those links in the show notes down below. I'm definitely feeling like we need a part two. I was just thinking the same thing. We need to, we need to have you back on to dive into all the second half that you just said, like there's, Oh, awesome. Anytime. Oh man. There's so many good things that we could talk about with you. So we will definitely reach out to you. We'll have you on again. And thank you so much for everything that you've shared. And it was such a pleasure having you on Alyssa. Thank you so much. You're very welcome. And thank you for facilitating this space. You guys have been like so professional and so easy to work with this whole way through, and I really appreciate the resource that you're creating here. I think it's a really needed thing as we reinvent what life and work and purpose mean in the future. So kudos to you. I think this is just the start of something really big for the two of you. So well done. And I can't wait to see how your journey goes. Thank you so much. Thank you. Great. Thanks so much for joining us here on the profitable Nomad Couple podcast. We appreciate you listening to us today. If you enjoyed this episode, share it on Instagram and be sure to tag us at Austin and Monica. Together we can inspire others to embrace a location independent lifestyle. And while you're there, we'd love to connect with you. So make sure you follow us for more tips and inspiration on living your dream location independent lifestyle. Until next week, remember that you have the power to shape your own path. So stay curious, stay adventurous and stay connected.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Austin Mangelson

Host
Head Shot

Monica Mangelson

Host